How's Your Email Etiquette?

A reader recently suggested that I write an editorial about the psychology of returning emails. In other words, why is it that some people always seem to respond quickly to your email messages, while others wait a week or more to answer?

Most of us who send and receive a lot of email know plenty of people in both camps. For instance, one of the guys at Sunbelt I work with on the newsletter consistently answers my messages so instantaneously that I've accused him of being an "always on" artificial intelligence instead of a real person (Hi, Dan). No matter what time of the day or night I send a message, his response seems to pop up within a minute. On the other hand, there's a guy I work with at another company who invariably takes days or weeks to write back. If I need info for an important matter, I often have to resend my message two or three times. While the "next moment" responders may be a little scary, the email procrastinators are downright frustrating, especially when you need their input to get your work done.

Of course, some folks have good reasons for their less-than-timely replies. They might have suddenly been taken ill or be on vacation, traveling on business, or having an Internet service outage. In today's netcentric world, many of us have people we "know" only through the 'net. We may work with them online on a frequent basis and even feel close to them, but we don't even have phone numbers or physical addresses for them, may not know what state (or even what country) they live in, their race/ethnicity, how old or young they are, or in some cases even what gender they are if they have names that can be either male or female. I worked with an editor for one online publication for several years, all that time thinking I was dealing with a man, only to find out accidentally that "he" was actually a "she." Oops. Because our online relationships are so compartmentalized, we don't necessarily know what's going on in a person's "real life" that prevents him/her from answering the mail.

Another reason people sometimes don't respond is because they never got our message in the first place. With unwanted commercial email posing such a big problem, almost every ISP or corporate mail server implements some type of spam filtering, and many computer users have their own client-side anti-spam software running, as well. Unfortunately, none of these spam filters are perfect, and there are always some "false positives" - email messages that get blocked by the spam filters even though they aren't spam. If you don't get an answer from someone you've emailed, you always have to consider the possibility that your message didn't get through.

On the other hand, the spam filtering problem also presents a handy excuse for those who forgot or were too lazy or avoidant to answer messages. They can just claim to have never received the mail, and who can tell the difference? One solution to that problem is to request a receipt when the person receives or opens your message. Most mail clients make this easy to do.

Unfortunately, it's not the greatest solution. In most cases, the recipient can choose not to send the receipt even though you've requested it, and many people find read receipts highly annoying. Even if you intend to answer, you may not have time to answer immediately, and you don't necessarily want the sender to know that you read the message today at 8:00 a.m. if you may not get around to answering it until tomorrow afternoon.

And delaying a response isn't the only way our email contacts can annoy us. Thinking about all this led me to the broader question of email etiquette in general. Sometimes the measures we take to try to avoid annoying others end up being annoyances themselves. For instance, if you're going to be cut off from your email for a few days, should you set up an autoresponder to send a canned message telling those who write to you that you're not in? Many people hate those "out of office" messages - especially when the recipient is on an email list and the autoresponder sends an OoO message to the list in response to every post. But is it more or less rude than just letting people think you're ignoring their messages?

And just how long should you wait after getting no response until you try contacting the person again? A day? A week? Should you just resend the message as if it were the first time, or should you mention that this is the second (or third, or whatever) time you've sent it? Obviously, the correct answer may depend on your relationship with the recipient and the urgency (or lack thereof) of the message content.

Then there are those people who respond to your email message by calling you on the phone - without emailing back to say they're going to call. That's one of my pet peeves, but no doubt they believe they're being especially responsive. And they probably think I'm rude for not answering the phone if I don't recognize the number on Caller ID.

Which brings me to another issue. Many of us were conditioned, as we were growing up, to believe that if the phone rang, we had an obligation to answer it - even though we were the ones paying the phone bill, presumably to have a communications tool for our own use and convenience, not as a means for others to invade our homes when we didn't want to be invaded. Answering machines came along and changed our attitudes somewhat; now we could "screen" our calls (although few would admit to doing so) and pick up only the ones we wanted to take. Caller ID took that even further - even if the caller chooses not to leave a message, we can see who's calling (or at least, the number from which he/she is calling) before the call even goes to voicemail. With new technology, we can even program certain numbers to go directly to voicemail, or be blocked altogether, or to have a distinctive ringtone so we know instantly that it's someone whose call we want to take.

I suspect it's this relatively new "pick and choose" attitude that's spilled over to email, and may explain why so many people respond slowly, or not at all. Just as they no longer feel an obligation to answer the phone just because it rings, they feel no obligation to send a reply just because they get an email message. And the sheer volume of email reinforces those feelings.

What do you think? Are you an email procrastinator or an instantaneous responder, or somewhere in between? Do you use OoO messages when you're going to be out or just keep 'em guessing? Do you get annoyed when you get back an Out of Office notice, or do you like knowing why your message is going unanswered? Do you ever pretend a message was "eaten" by your spam filters when you just didn't answer? Do you request read receipts? Do you click "Yes" or "No" when asked if you want to send a receipt? What are your pet email etiquette peeves? 

 

DECISION-MAKING-A TRAIT FOR SUCCESS.

Look at the corporate doyens of today. How did they achieve so much? Well, obviously they worked hard, networked well, asked the right questions, and learnt from experience. They were curious. They were creative. They persevered and they felt accountable for their actions. Well, these are the traits of most successful people. However, besides all of this, they also had to make certain crucial and timely decisions during the course of their career. These were the points of no return, where the tide could turn for better or for worse. And there was no time to calculate or contemplate the possibility of regret.

WHAT IS 'GOOD' DECISION MAKING?

To decide is to make up one's mind. It implies making a conscious choice between two or more alternatives. We constantly take decisions in our professional and personal lives. But how do we make the right decisions? Well, ‘good’ decision-making starts with a strategic thinking. It comes from never being ‘indecisive’.

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

 

 

Fight are almost inevitable in relationships. Once in a while you have to disagree with your mate. If you still want to be with your partner, you have to know how to make up After Lovers Fight and the best way to go about it. Just immediately After Lovers Fight tempers are still high and it would be wise for you to wait for your mate to cool down before you approach them. If you approached them before they cooled down you might not like what they will have to say and all your efforts will be thrown back at you. You might even start fighting again. The best thing to do immediately After Lovers Fight is to keep off each other's sight. Give each other time to realize you do not want to break up but to make up.

 

 

You can make up After Lovers Fight by getting your partner a gift or card. You can write a short message on the card, something to remind your partner that you love them. You can also send a sorry message and flowers to your mate. Even men can be sent for flowers. Gifts are most often given to people we love and it would be wise to tell your partner that you love them and just because you disagree on something it doesn't change the fact that you love them. However make sure you give the gift after they have cooled down considerately. Gifts also say sorry. Once you give a gift to your partner they will know you are sorry and all you want to do is make up After Lovers Fight.

Make up After Lovers Fight by taking them to a special place or making them a good meal or something they like. That way you will have time to talk about things and agree on what you had disagreed before. You can ask your partner to just sit and watch you prepare something special for them. It doesn't have to be perfect. Your partner will see the effort you have made in making them feel special. While talking, try to see each others point of view. Do not impose anything on your partner. It is okay to disagree and sometimes you can agree to disagree on matters. After all you are two individuals who have different points of view.

 

 

Make up After Lovers Fight by making love to each other. When you make love to each other it means you are both willing to work out your differences. Making love also shows your partner that you still care about them and that you are concerned about what goes on in your relationship. You will also feel relaxed after the love making and feel no need of fighting again. You partner also feels still wanted and loved. Sometimes when people feel you no longer care about them they can start up a fight just to see how much the other person still cares about them. And any way, fighting sometimes can be healthy than not fighting at all.

Making the perfect Cuppa

A 'cuppa' is a cup of tea. Tea is a good source of flavonoids, compounds that contain powerful antioxidant properties. And it is true, in any crisis we turn to tea. Making the perfect cuppa is here below.

1. Select a teapot of the correct size for the number of cups required.  Allow two tea bags or 2.5 to 3 gm of tea per 190 to 200 ml of water.
2. Fill a kettle or pan with freshly drawn cold water (Plenty of oxygen is needed to bring out the full flavour of the tea), and bring to boil.
3. When the water is almost boiling, pour a little into the teapot, swill it around and then pour the water away.
4. Measure the loose tea or count the teabags.  When the water in the kettle is just coming to a rolling boil, pour the water onto the leaves or bags.  Whenever possible, place the leaves inside an infuser that can then be lifted out of the liquid once the tea has brewed.
5. Put the lid on the pot and allow it to brew.  For teabags and small-leafed teas allow three to five minutes.
6. Once brewed, lift the infuser containing the leaves out of the pot and discard.  Immediately strain the tea into the cups, or into another heated pot to keep warm.
7. Keep the pot warm on a special hotplate that is heated by a candle light or cover with a cosy.

Improve your body language....

1. Don't cross your arms or legs –

You have probably already heard you shouldn't cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don't stare –

If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you'll get used to it.

3. Don't be afraid to take up some space –

Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders –

When you feel tense it's easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking –

nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don't overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don't slouch, sit up straight –

but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much –

If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you're confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don't lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh –

lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don't keep a smile plastered on your face, you'll seem insincere.

9. Don't touch your face –

it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up -

Don't keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit –

this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don't snap you're neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don't fidget –

try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You'll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently –

instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don't use them to much or it might become distracting. And don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink –

don't hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don't hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends –

many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don't stand too close –

one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don't invade it.

17. Mirror -

Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person's body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward.. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don't react instantly and don't mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude –

last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

TO TAKE OR NOT TO TAKE-THAT DECISION.!

“What part does decision making play in managing? I shall find it convenient to take mild liberties with the English language by using decision making as though it were synonymous with management.”

| Herbert Simon |

You are bright, knowledgeable and ambitious. Your career is spiraling upwards. Now, an emergency crops up and you can’t reach the boss who’s out of town. You have some vital choices to make—on your own.
How do you feel?
Confident, focused and clear about your goals?
Excited about taking the initiative?
Nervous—you break into a cold sweat?
Like there’s an invisible sword dangling over your head?...