How's Your Email Etiquette?

A reader recently suggested that I write an editorial about the psychology of returning emails. In other words, why is it that some people always seem to respond quickly to your email messages, while others wait a week or more to answer?

Most of us who send and receive a lot of email know plenty of people in both camps. For instance, one of the guys at Sunbelt I work with on the newsletter consistently answers my messages so instantaneously that I've accused him of being an "always on" artificial intelligence instead of a real person (Hi, Dan). No matter what time of the day or night I send a message, his response seems to pop up within a minute. On the other hand, there's a guy I work with at another company who invariably takes days or weeks to write back. If I need info for an important matter, I often have to resend my message two or three times. While the "next moment" responders may be a little scary, the email procrastinators are downright frustrating, especially when you need their input to get your work done.

Of course, some folks have good reasons for their less-than-timely replies. They might have suddenly been taken ill or be on vacation, traveling on business, or having an Internet service outage. In today's netcentric world, many of us have people we "know" only through the 'net. We may work with them online on a frequent basis and even feel close to them, but we don't even have phone numbers or physical addresses for them, may not know what state (or even what country) they live in, their race/ethnicity, how old or young they are, or in some cases even what gender they are if they have names that can be either male or female. I worked with an editor for one online publication for several years, all that time thinking I was dealing with a man, only to find out accidentally that "he" was actually a "she." Oops. Because our online relationships are so compartmentalized, we don't necessarily know what's going on in a person's "real life" that prevents him/her from answering the mail.

Another reason people sometimes don't respond is because they never got our message in the first place. With unwanted commercial email posing such a big problem, almost every ISP or corporate mail server implements some type of spam filtering, and many computer users have their own client-side anti-spam software running, as well. Unfortunately, none of these spam filters are perfect, and there are always some "false positives" - email messages that get blocked by the spam filters even though they aren't spam. If you don't get an answer from someone you've emailed, you always have to consider the possibility that your message didn't get through.

On the other hand, the spam filtering problem also presents a handy excuse for those who forgot or were too lazy or avoidant to answer messages. They can just claim to have never received the mail, and who can tell the difference? One solution to that problem is to request a receipt when the person receives or opens your message. Most mail clients make this easy to do.

Unfortunately, it's not the greatest solution. In most cases, the recipient can choose not to send the receipt even though you've requested it, and many people find read receipts highly annoying. Even if you intend to answer, you may not have time to answer immediately, and you don't necessarily want the sender to know that you read the message today at 8:00 a.m. if you may not get around to answering it until tomorrow afternoon.

And delaying a response isn't the only way our email contacts can annoy us. Thinking about all this led me to the broader question of email etiquette in general. Sometimes the measures we take to try to avoid annoying others end up being annoyances themselves. For instance, if you're going to be cut off from your email for a few days, should you set up an autoresponder to send a canned message telling those who write to you that you're not in? Many people hate those "out of office" messages - especially when the recipient is on an email list and the autoresponder sends an OoO message to the list in response to every post. But is it more or less rude than just letting people think you're ignoring their messages?

And just how long should you wait after getting no response until you try contacting the person again? A day? A week? Should you just resend the message as if it were the first time, or should you mention that this is the second (or third, or whatever) time you've sent it? Obviously, the correct answer may depend on your relationship with the recipient and the urgency (or lack thereof) of the message content.

Then there are those people who respond to your email message by calling you on the phone - without emailing back to say they're going to call. That's one of my pet peeves, but no doubt they believe they're being especially responsive. And they probably think I'm rude for not answering the phone if I don't recognize the number on Caller ID.

Which brings me to another issue. Many of us were conditioned, as we were growing up, to believe that if the phone rang, we had an obligation to answer it - even though we were the ones paying the phone bill, presumably to have a communications tool for our own use and convenience, not as a means for others to invade our homes when we didn't want to be invaded. Answering machines came along and changed our attitudes somewhat; now we could "screen" our calls (although few would admit to doing so) and pick up only the ones we wanted to take. Caller ID took that even further - even if the caller chooses not to leave a message, we can see who's calling (or at least, the number from which he/she is calling) before the call even goes to voicemail. With new technology, we can even program certain numbers to go directly to voicemail, or be blocked altogether, or to have a distinctive ringtone so we know instantly that it's someone whose call we want to take.

I suspect it's this relatively new "pick and choose" attitude that's spilled over to email, and may explain why so many people respond slowly, or not at all. Just as they no longer feel an obligation to answer the phone just because it rings, they feel no obligation to send a reply just because they get an email message. And the sheer volume of email reinforces those feelings.

What do you think? Are you an email procrastinator or an instantaneous responder, or somewhere in between? Do you use OoO messages when you're going to be out or just keep 'em guessing? Do you get annoyed when you get back an Out of Office notice, or do you like knowing why your message is going unanswered? Do you ever pretend a message was "eaten" by your spam filters when you just didn't answer? Do you request read receipts? Do you click "Yes" or "No" when asked if you want to send a receipt? What are your pet email etiquette peeves? 

 

DECISION-MAKING-A TRAIT FOR SUCCESS.

Look at the corporate doyens of today. How did they achieve so much? Well, obviously they worked hard, networked well, asked the right questions, and learnt from experience. They were curious. They were creative. They persevered and they felt accountable for their actions. Well, these are the traits of most successful people. However, besides all of this, they also had to make certain crucial and timely decisions during the course of their career. These were the points of no return, where the tide could turn for better or for worse. And there was no time to calculate or contemplate the possibility of regret.

WHAT IS 'GOOD' DECISION MAKING?

To decide is to make up one's mind. It implies making a conscious choice between two or more alternatives. We constantly take decisions in our professional and personal lives. But how do we make the right decisions? Well, ‘good’ decision-making starts with a strategic thinking. It comes from never being ‘indecisive’.

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

 

 

Fight are almost inevitable in relationships. Once in a while you have to disagree with your mate. If you still want to be with your partner, you have to know how to make up After Lovers Fight and the best way to go about it. Just immediately After Lovers Fight tempers are still high and it would be wise for you to wait for your mate to cool down before you approach them. If you approached them before they cooled down you might not like what they will have to say and all your efforts will be thrown back at you. You might even start fighting again. The best thing to do immediately After Lovers Fight is to keep off each other's sight. Give each other time to realize you do not want to break up but to make up.

 

 

You can make up After Lovers Fight by getting your partner a gift or card. You can write a short message on the card, something to remind your partner that you love them. You can also send a sorry message and flowers to your mate. Even men can be sent for flowers. Gifts are most often given to people we love and it would be wise to tell your partner that you love them and just because you disagree on something it doesn't change the fact that you love them. However make sure you give the gift after they have cooled down considerately. Gifts also say sorry. Once you give a gift to your partner they will know you are sorry and all you want to do is make up After Lovers Fight.

Make up After Lovers Fight by taking them to a special place or making them a good meal or something they like. That way you will have time to talk about things and agree on what you had disagreed before. You can ask your partner to just sit and watch you prepare something special for them. It doesn't have to be perfect. Your partner will see the effort you have made in making them feel special. While talking, try to see each others point of view. Do not impose anything on your partner. It is okay to disagree and sometimes you can agree to disagree on matters. After all you are two individuals who have different points of view.

 

 

Make up After Lovers Fight by making love to each other. When you make love to each other it means you are both willing to work out your differences. Making love also shows your partner that you still care about them and that you are concerned about what goes on in your relationship. You will also feel relaxed after the love making and feel no need of fighting again. You partner also feels still wanted and loved. Sometimes when people feel you no longer care about them they can start up a fight just to see how much the other person still cares about them. And any way, fighting sometimes can be healthy than not fighting at all.

Making the perfect Cuppa

A 'cuppa' is a cup of tea. Tea is a good source of flavonoids, compounds that contain powerful antioxidant properties. And it is true, in any crisis we turn to tea. Making the perfect cuppa is here below.

1. Select a teapot of the correct size for the number of cups required.  Allow two tea bags or 2.5 to 3 gm of tea per 190 to 200 ml of water.
2. Fill a kettle or pan with freshly drawn cold water (Plenty of oxygen is needed to bring out the full flavour of the tea), and bring to boil.
3. When the water is almost boiling, pour a little into the teapot, swill it around and then pour the water away.
4. Measure the loose tea or count the teabags.  When the water in the kettle is just coming to a rolling boil, pour the water onto the leaves or bags.  Whenever possible, place the leaves inside an infuser that can then be lifted out of the liquid once the tea has brewed.
5. Put the lid on the pot and allow it to brew.  For teabags and small-leafed teas allow three to five minutes.
6. Once brewed, lift the infuser containing the leaves out of the pot and discard.  Immediately strain the tea into the cups, or into another heated pot to keep warm.
7. Keep the pot warm on a special hotplate that is heated by a candle light or cover with a cosy.

Improve your body language....

1. Don't cross your arms or legs –

You have probably already heard you shouldn't cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don't stare –

If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you'll get used to it.

3. Don't be afraid to take up some space –

Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders –

When you feel tense it's easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking –

nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don't overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don't slouch, sit up straight –

but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much –

If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you're confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don't lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh –

lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don't keep a smile plastered on your face, you'll seem insincere.

9. Don't touch your face –

it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up -

Don't keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit –

this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don't snap you're neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don't fidget –

try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You'll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently –

instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don't use them to much or it might become distracting. And don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink –

don't hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don't hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends –

many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don't stand too close –

one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don't invade it.

17. Mirror -

Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person's body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward.. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don't react instantly and don't mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude –

last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

TO TAKE OR NOT TO TAKE-THAT DECISION.!

“What part does decision making play in managing? I shall find it convenient to take mild liberties with the English language by using decision making as though it were synonymous with management.”

| Herbert Simon |

You are bright, knowledgeable and ambitious. Your career is spiraling upwards. Now, an emergency crops up and you can’t reach the boss who’s out of town. You have some vital choices to make—on your own.
How do you feel?
Confident, focused and clear about your goals?
Excited about taking the initiative?
Nervous—you break into a cold sweat?
Like there’s an invisible sword dangling over your head?...

HOW TO CONDUCT PRODUCTIVE MEETINGS

The key to conduct a meeting productively involves a number of procedures - primarily from the perspective of being the organizer and facilitator.
 

1.	Circulate an agenda - An agenda should show the planned steps that get the meeting from ‘one point’ to ‘another.’ It helps the participants prepare suitably and anticipate the kind of information they might need to produce. Most importantly, it works as a contract with the participants.
2.	Have a theme - Meetings shouldn’t be indirect tours of each participant’s logical understanding. Make it clear why this meeting is happening, why each person is participating at a given time, and then use your agenda to augment how the theme will be explored or tackled in each section of the meeting.
3.	Set (and honour) times for beginning, ending, and breaks - There’s nothing worse than a meeting where everyone who knows anything will just chatter on or where the leader will stop only when he gets tired of hearing himself talk. Own your meeting by putting up walls — provide structure and be firm about respecting everyone’s time. Honour the time walls. .
4.	No electronic grazing. Period - Phones off. You’re either at the meeting or you’re not at the meeting, and few things are more distracting or disruptive than the guy who has to check his messages every five minutes. Schedule breaks for people to fiddle with their ‘toys’, but fearlessly enforce a no grazing rule once the meeting’s back in session.
5.	Schedule guests - Do not put thirty people in a room for three hours if twenty of them will have nothing to do for all but the last ten minutes. In your agenda, make it clear when people will be needed and you’ll encourage best use of everyone’s time. It’s also extra incentive (or even an excuse) to tick off agenda items in a timely manner. (”Well, it looks like Mr. Khanna is here to share his sales report, so let’s move on.”)
6.	Be a referee and employ a time-keeper - If you can afford it, have one person in the meeting be the slavish time-keeper so you, as the leader, can focus on facilitating, summarizing, clarifying, and just keeping things moving. Working closely with the time-keeper, you should not be afraid to announce things like “Okay, we have three minutes left for this, so let’s wrap up with any questions you have for Mr. Khanna, and then move on.”
7.	Stay on target - Any item that can be resolved between a couple people offline or that does not require the knowledge, consent, or input of the majority of the group should be scotched immediately. Close rat holes. As soon as the needed permission, notification, or task assignment is completed, just move on to the next item.
8.	Follow up - If you have been utilizing a project manager or note taker (and God knows you should), be sure to use a few minutes at the end for him or her to review any major new projects or action items that were generated in the meeting. Have the project manager email the list of resolved and new action items to all the participants.
9.	Be consistent - Take any of these tips that work for you — and many certainly may not — but understand one thing above all; meetings do not run themselves, and if you have any desire to make best use of people’s valuable time, you’ll need a firm hand and a lot of thoughtful planning. Set a pattern of being the one whose meetings don’t bore others and you’ll start seeing the productivity, tone, and participation in your meetings consistently improve.

 

Dandruff

Vinegar Wonder
• Add six spoonfuls water, two spoonfuls pure vinegar and apply it on the scalp with cotton wool before going to bed. Tie a towel around your head to protect the pillow. Wash your hair next morning. After shampooing, rinse again with vinegar water. Continue this once a week for at least three months.
• Mix a spoonful of lemon juice with two spoonfuls of vinegar and massage on the scalp. Wash your hair with an egg shampoo after this.

Methi Power
• Soak fenugreek (methi) seeds in yogurt overnight and apply the curd on your scalp for half an hour before washing in the morning.
• Just soak the fenugreek seeds overnight in water to soften the seeds and grind in the morning to make paste. Before hairwash, apply this paste on scalp and hair and leave it on for half an hour. Wash off with shampoo later.

An Egg Pack
• Beat two eggs and add two tablespoons of water to it.
• Wet the hair and apply the egg mixture over the hair.
• Now massage your scalp and let the mixture on for ten minutes to fifteen minutes. Then rinse the hair with lukewarm water.

Amla Power
• Amla is rich in iron and considered to be very nourishing for strong and healthy hair. Add amla juice to lemon juice and massage your scalp with firm fingers.
• Wash after half an hour.

 

MAKE YOUR OWN SHOESHINE KIT!

What’s the first thing that women observe about a man? Apparently, his shoes! This is because your shoes are a reflection of how well-groomed you are! And we don’t mean that you need to blow a lump sum of money on new shoes, but see that the ones you already have look shiny ‘n’ new!

Here’s how to pamper your shoes:

• Get your shoeshine kit together. You’ll need: a shoeshine & polish brush, shine cloth ( cotton cloth, old T-shirt, socks etc), standard brown and black polish, an old toothbrush and cotton.
• Wipe away the dust and debris using a dry cloth or shoeshine brush, and then a wet cloth.
• Once your shoes are clean and dry, use your shoeshine polish brush to apply a good amount of polish onto your shoes. Evenly spread over shoes and use a toothbrush/cotton swab to polish hard-to-reach areas. Wait 15 to 20 minutes for the polish to dry.
• Once your shoe is completely dry, use the shoeshine brush to carefully brush off the polish. Again, use a clean cotton swab or toothbrush for hard-to-reach spots.
• Now using a clean, lint-free shine cloth, give your shoes the shine they deserve.

 

SOMETHING ABOUT SOCKS & SHOES

Socks
Your socks should be of a dark shade so as to compliment your suit. Lengthwise they should be mid-calf or knee-high in length.

Shine
Your shoes should be and have new heels, soles and tips, if needed. Worn down heels and scuffed tips make you look shabby.

 

CAN I WEAR FORMAL SHOES ON INFORMAL CLOTHES?

Shoes are an important part of dressing for the occasion.
• Each dress code has its specified shoes. Nothing can be as jarring as mismatched shoes and clothes.
• Besides aesthetic appeal, shoes also have a specific purpose. Business shoes for example are designed to bear the weight of heavy clothing that is a part of formal business wear. Loafers, lug soles, chukka boots, suede oxfords are meant for lazy weekends and have an air of informality about them.
• Avoid activity footwear like hiking boots, basketball sneakers, boating shoes etc. when you dress informally to work, such shoes connote physical movement. Another important aspect to be borne in mind is the type of socks one wears while dressing informally.
• Avoid business socks, but that does not mean you end up wearing athletic ones, the stress once again is on cool and comfortable wear.

SOCKS & SANDALS -- A STRICT NO-NO!

Guys, you might think socks with sandals are cool, but trust the women -- we know better.

Why were you wearing sandals in the first place? To keep your feet cool, right? So why are you wearing socks now? If you think it’s a cooler way of wearing a pair of shoes then think again. Most of you do it because you think it looks good, but the truth of the matter is, it doesn’t. Socks and sandals when paired together can be nothing short of a fashion disaster!

So here’s what you need to keep in mind, in order not to repeat this fashion felony.

Knee-highs and sandals look silly
Stay away from socks that reach your knees. This style may have been acceptable in the 80s but not any longer.

No neon socks
You like making a fashion statement, but do it without it going overboard!

Non-matching socks
Ok maybe when you wear closed shoes, it doesn’t matter. But, hey, if you are going to go ahead teaming socks with sandals then at least match the socks!

Stay away from the whites
You also might think of going with the classic white look, but that doesn’t work either. It draws too much attention to your feet.

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

 

How to Be Charming & Charismatic

Have you ever noticed how some people captivate everyone they speak to? No matter what they look like or how much money they have, they can walk into a room and instantly be the center of attention. When they leave, people think highly of them and want to emulate them. That’s charisma, a sort of magnetism that inspires confidence and adoration.

Like beauty, luck, and social position, charisma can open many doors in life. Unlike these other qualities, anyone can become more charismatic.

1. Improve your posture. Good posture will give the impression of self confidence (even if you don’t feel that way on the inside). While walking, maintain a relaxed yet definitive upright posture: spine long, shoulders back, head level with the ground. This may feel awkward or overpowering to you when you first practice it, but keep trying.
2. Relax the muscles in your face to the point where you have a natural, pleasant expression permanently engraved there. Face the world and show everyone you’re not afraid.
3. Make a connection. When your eyes come in contact with another person’s, nod and smile subtly with a subdued joy shining forth. Don’t worry about the other person’s reaction and don’t overdo it.
4. Remember people’s names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. Repeat the person’s name when stating your name to that person will help you to remember it better. For example: “Hi Jack, I’m Wendy.” Follow through with small talk and repeat the person’s name. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. It’s not just about helping you to remember that person. The more you say a person’s name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they’ll warm up to you.
5. Be interested in people. If you meet a new acquaintance, for example a coworker, a classmate, a friend of a friend, etc. find out about their immediate family and interests. Be sure to ask after the names of family members and remember them. Be careful in that subject though you don’t want to be nosy. If you ask too much they will become uncomfortable. Also ask after their particular interests in life. These two topics will ensure much better small talk than just harping on about school or work. Most people don’t like to think about those things at social occasions unless they have to. Even if it is about networking, you should understand fully the worth of taking a break from talking shop. It is important to refrain from talking up about yourself. Be purely interested and impressed by the person with whom you are speaking.
6. Orient topics toward the audience. This means taking into account topics that interest those around you, even if you are not so keen on them. If you are in a sporty crowd, talk about last night’s game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you are amongst a group of hobbyists, draw out their hobbies and make remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you to be an expert. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you are hoping to learn more about it.
7. Praise others instead of gossiping. If you are talking with someone or you are talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100% sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
8. Don’t Lie. A lie is something you say for which there is some direct evidence somewhere out there that contradicts it. If you tell Mary that you like Jane and Billy that you don’t like Jane, Mary and Billy will talk and your reputation will be ruined. No one will believe a word you say.
9. Issue compliments generously, especially to raise others’ self esteem. Try to pick out something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment it, even if you feel that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves haircut, manner of dress) notice it, and point out something you like about it. If you are asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.
10. Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that the compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere “thank you” and enjoin this with “I’m glad you like it” or “It is so kind of you to have noticed.” These are “compliments in return.” Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response “Oh well I wish I was as ______ as you/that situation.” That is tantamount to saying, “No, I am not what you are saying I am, and your judgment is wrong.”
11. Control your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is crucial. Most people feel insecure somewhere inside and have an inability to accept praise. For this very reason, when you praise, do it subtly and glibly. When you say, “you look nice today” it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say “it’s a nice day.” Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice until you get it right.. It might not sound right to you, in that case, ask someone for judgement.

Tips

• Developing charisma is an art. The general guidelines above can help you be more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and must reflect you as an individual or it will appear fake. Fortunately, everyone has the ability to be charismatic, and it simply needs to be coaxed out. Practice and take note of what works and what needs improvement.
• Don’t mimic others. People with well developed charisma have a remarkable ability not only to sway people’s opinions but also to cause others to emulate their personalities and even gestures. At the same time, however, research has shown that charismatic people do not emulate other charismatic people. Their individuality sets them apart.
• Have a message. Don’t be afraid to be controversial, to push the envelope. If you believe in something or feel strongly about it, communicate that in a respectful way. Your charisma will help people be accepting of your ideas.

 

6 Tips for Single Moms: How to Jumpstart Your Dating Life

My inbox gets flooded every single day with emails from women who ask me, "Your advice is great, but I've got kids. Will it work for me?" The answer is YES!

All the advice I give single women can be used by single moms, too. Now granted, the dating pool for single mothers is a little smaller. To find a great and amazing guy, you need to work a bit harder - and learn how to flirt.

Here are a few tips that will help jumpstart your single-mom dating life:

1. Let's say you are eyeballing Tall, Dark & Handsome who is in the checkout line near you, when little Johnny starts to throw a temper tantrum. Instead of yelling at him because he picked the wrong moment to start a temper tantrum, look at Tall, Dark & Handsome and say, "

Did you used to be like that when you were a kid?

Did you used to be like that when you were a kid?" Tall, Dark & Handsome will start laughing, and you will start flirting while little Johnny continues with his temper tantrum. I can't think of a more romantic way to meet men.

2. You are in the supermarket, and you and little Johnny are in heavy cereal negotiations. You want little Johnny to have the "breakfast of champions," but Johnny wants Lucky Charms. Tall, Dark & Handsome walks right by you. He's laughing and smiling at the ongoing negotiations. Instead of ignoring him, grab those boxes of cereal out of little Johnny's hand and say, "Excuse me, can you help settle an argument? I want my son to be a champion, but he just wants magically delicious. Which one would you choose?"

3. You go to the park and little Johnny is playing with little Katie. Did you ever think that Katie's father might be a single father? So, instead of standing in the corner of the playground, take a look at the man who's looking at Katie.

Smile, walk over and talk about your kids.

Smile, walk over and talk about your kids.

4. When online dating, it's really important that the first picture a man sees of you in your profile is one of YOU, not your family. Let him meet your kids when the time is right, but don't post the family on the Internet. When you do that, it looks like you are advertising for little Johnny's next father.

5. When writing an online profile, talk about YOUR passions. Talk about things you like to do besides being a mother. Sure, you can talk about how passionate you are about being a mom. But way too many single mothers write about all the activities they do with their kids.

We men know how much your kids mean to you.

We men know how much your kids mean to you. We just want to know that there's a little time left over for you to have an adult relationship. So, in your profile, you could maybe write something like, "When I am not performing my soccer mom duties, I look forward to some one-on-one adult time with my friends... and possibly you." It's all about how you word it.

6. When you're on a date, don't spend the entire time talking about little Johnny's math achievements or his ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Let a man know all about what's interesting about you besides your children. Keep things balanced -- talk some about the kids, talk more about you.

 

7 Dating Ups and Downs

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It's an emotional rollercoaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator.

Here's my list of the top ups and downs of dating -- and how to feel better about them:

1. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you're going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You'll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don't call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

2. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don't beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.

3. I texted them the next morning and said, "I had a great time last night," and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. They probably had a good time, but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the "it" factor wasn't there. It's not about you. At least you were honest. So you did all you can do.

4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message and now you're replaying it in your head a thousand times. "Should I have said 'Last night was fun' with more enthusiasm? Is that why she's not calling me back?"

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better.

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say, "Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak." That's it -- it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think, "Now they know that I like them, and they don't like me." So what? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray they call? I always believe in being honest. You've got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two-hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself more. This is just one person you went out with for two hours. They don't know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn't the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. You've got to toughen your skin.

Rejection is what dating is all about

Rejection is what dating is all about; you can't take it personally. If I go out with someone and I have a great time but they never want to see me again, I'm still a great person the next day.

Want some tips about dealing with dating rejection? See them here

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don't call you back, this is not the last person in the world you're going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind to realize that if it doesn't work out with one person (or 10 people), there are plenty of other people out there who do want to hang out with a fantastic person like you.

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman. But through all my years of coaching men and women, I have found that it is not what you say that's important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man's character. They don't care what you say, as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don't know this, so they walk over to a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected. When you approach like a wounded animal, you will be rejected every single time -- no matter how clever a remark you may have.

With 80 percent of human interaction based on nonverbal body language, what is a man to do? The key to impressing her right off the bat is to be different from all the other men who are approaching her that evening.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing, even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

1. Walk with confidence. When you see a woman that you are attracted to, walk right over. Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. Keep eye contact as you approach. Do not hesitate. Most men linger in the background before they approach, then, when you finally do approach, she is quick to turn her back on you. The reason is that you did not exude confidence. Most women notice who is observing them.

When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her, you might as well go home.

When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her, you might as well go home.

2. Lose the male pack. When out on the town,

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males. One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the "male pack" -- you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. When you approach a woman with your buddies waiting on the sideline, she will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. Break away from the male pack and find one other guy to go out on the town with. Save the male bonding for a sports bar.

3. Dress for a strong appearance. Make sure you're not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. If you look like a slob, it will not matter what your body language says, because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women. Buy clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge, so when you walk in with the right body language, women will see you. Keep in mind that shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.
4. Create a spark within her. Most men's conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hopes that she likes you.

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring!

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! You need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into a conversation about summer movies and she says that "Spiderman III" was her favorite Spidey movie so far. Instead of being agreeable,

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong -- the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring, which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.

5. Maintain some tension.

Flirting with women is all about gathering information

Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the better your chances. When you call her, you will have more things to talk about. Before calling a woman, I think about everything she said and then I pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of "Spiderman III," I would text her the next day: "I was thinking U + I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time + place + I'll bring the DVD."

She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her. Plus, you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.

 

e mail etiquitte.

You want to make sure you're doing everything right when you're e-mailing other people. It's amazing how many people use incorrect e-mail etiquette on a daily basis, so I'm sure this tip will help several others as well. Below is a list of the 10 most common e-mail mistakes people make. Let's check them out! 1.) Vague subject line: I don't know about you, but when I get an e-mail, I always look at the subject line first to see what it's about. The subject line is supposed to give you some basic details for what the e-mail is about and it gives you a reason to actually open the e-mail and read it. The subject line is especially important if you're dealing with work related e-mails. Your co-workers probably get several e-mails everyday and if they don't have a good subject line to go by, they may just skip past it and miss something important. The same goes if you're e-mailing a friend or family member. Take some time to make the subject line perfect! 2.) No signature: It's a good idea to include a signature at the bottom of all your e-mails. Otherwise, your recipients may not know who you are and they could by-pass your e-mail. Your signature should at least include your name and e-mail address. You can also include your physical address and phone number if you want to give your recipients more ways to contact you. You can follow this tip to learn how to create your own signature. 3.) Unclear message: I get e-mails all the time that have no clear message as to what they're really about. When you send out an e-mail, make sure you use complete sentences, correct grammar and correct spelling. Also, take the time to really get your message across. If you don't make what you want to say clear enough, your recipients will be left dazed and confused. Plus, they probably won't bother replying to you, because they won't know what to say in return! 4.) Rambling on: When you're typing out an e-mail, it's best to be short and to the point. While still making yourself clear, you should use short sentences and paragraphs. Just say what you need to say and be done with it. Unless you're e-mailing a friend you haven't talked to in years an update on your life, you don't need to write a novel! Your recipients will better appreciate a clean, cut e-mail. 5.) SHOUTING: We've talked about this before, but I'll say it again: don't use all capital letters when typing out an e-mail. When you do that, it's like you're shouting at your recipient and they might not like that too much! So, before you start typing, make sure the Caps Lock key is turned off. That will make for a much nicer e-mail! 6.) Wrong tone: It's hard to express your tone of voice over an e-mail, but you have to do your best with the way you write. For instance, if you're trying to crack a joke to one of your friends, make sure they'll take it the right way. Otherwise, you might end up offending them. Also, I know I told you to use short sentences, but don't be too short with your recipients. If you are, they might take it the wrong way. If you think something will be interpreted the wrong way, it's best just to leave it out. 7.) Too many attachments: Do you like to send attachments along with your e-mails? That's all good and well, but if they're too large, you may end up annoying your recipient more than anything. It's hard to tell what type of Internet connection they will have or if their computer will even be able to handle a big file. If there's any doubt in your mind, just don't send it! Save your attachments only for the people who need them the most. 8.) Incorrect e-mail address: What's the worst thing you can think of when dealing with e-mail? How about sending one to the wrong person? Yeah, that's pretty bad! To prevent that from happening, you should always double check the recipient's e-mail address before you send it off. Otherwise, it could end up going to the complete wrong person and that's just no good at all! 9..) Mixing e-mail accounts: Do you ever use your work e-mail account to send your friends or family messages? If you do, you shouldn't! It's as plain and simple as that. Your work e-mail should only be used for work related issues and nothing more. Use your personal e-mail account for everything else.. 10.) Too much e-mail: If you find yourself rambling on in an e-mail or if you're afraid the message will get mixed up, you're probably relying on e-mail too much. E-mails should be used for quick communication and if you have something more to say than that, you should probably just pick up the phone and call the person or talk to them face to face. Yes, e-mail is convenient and easy to use, but with certain things, it can be a little too much. There you have it! The top 10 most common e-mail mistakes. If you have made some of these mistakes in the past, don't feel bad. We've all done it, but at least you now know what you can do to correct them. Proper e-mail etiquette is very important and it will help you stay in good relations with all your e-mail buddies as well!

_

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

1. Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
2. Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
3. Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
4. Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
5. Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
6. Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
7. Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
8. Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.